tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18644612287667660512023-11-15T22:46:32.357-08:00christy sorts it outChristyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03376096488399269392noreply@blogger.comBlogger14125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1864461228766766051.post-71024432659295457682007-11-01T09:10:00.000-07:002007-11-01T09:44:04.078-07:00Let's Do The Time Warp Again!!I am the room mom for my sons third grade class. I really enjoy being involved in my kids schools and I even like the parties (for the most part )but I have to be the most ill suited person for this job. It's the other moms that really get under my skin. Sometimes I think that I am just trying unsuccessfully to stuff myself into the mom mold. I love my kids and I love being their mother, but I am not a conventional "mom". I seem to be a little more in my head than everyone else. It used to really bother me but that's just who I am and I've learned to be OK with it. School parties seem to make the differences more apparent though, and I feel a little weighed down by them. The party seemed to go well, even with my constant over analysis. I did, however, have one weird, surreal moment.<br /><br />While the kids worked on their art project and ate all of the great treats we played a CD of Halloween music in the background. So I'm walking around helping the kids pack up their uneaten snacks and I hear it, "I remember, doing the time warp!!". I stopped dead in my tracks, this is so out of context. I have seen the Rocky Horror Picture Show many, many times and I have danced to this song countless times and none have been stranger than this. I thought, for a minute that I might wake up, bleary eyed, at a party post high school and have the last fifteen years be some sort of drunken hallucination. About that time someone spilled their juice and I had to snap out of it, but it was a cool moment.Christyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03376096488399269392noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1864461228766766051.post-58182004768094143832007-10-20T09:39:00.000-07:002007-10-20T10:06:25.012-07:00Feeling the RainIt has been a stormy few days here in Oregon. I always love this time of year. The storms can be very dramatic which is nice after a summer of sunshine every day. My middle son had soccer this morning, in the pouring rain. My darling husband went to the game without the soccer balls so I got the call and had to go for a drive to the soccer field. At first I was annoyed, but I ended up having a great time. I drove in the rain and listened to Brandi Carslile very loud, it was fun. I even enjoyed trudging through the completely soaked soccer field. My son was complaining a lot, he thinks he's getting frostbite on his leg, he might have pneumonia coming on, etc. I explained to him that this game will probably stick around in his memory, while the others fade together. He was unimpressed. <br />This is my second fall in Oregon. There is a huge part of me that wants a New England fall and winter. It's an almost physical wanting. It hurts to miss a good Maine autumn, and the first peaceful, silent, snowfall. I am making an effort to enjoy the Oregon seasons this year, and it's working, sort of. I need to make peace with where we are now, but deep down I want to be back in the northeast. I have had several very vivid dreams where I am walking in the Maine woods. They are more vivid and real than any dreams I've ever had. I guess that Maine will always feel like home to me. Some people have the towns or houses they grew up in that they go back to on holidays and it feels like going home. For me it is the cold breeze that leaves your face numb, and the crunch of snow underfoot that makes me fee like I'm back where I belong. I'm hoping to get to the place where I don't miss it quite so much.Christyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03376096488399269392noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1864461228766766051.post-12778647879398704022007-10-06T13:49:00.000-07:002007-10-06T13:54:55.814-07:00Feeling more like meI am starting to feel more like me. It is strange. I feel like something very powerful and important is happening. It is so subtle that it is hard to pin down. But, it is there. I am actually writing, which I'm hesitant to say out loud because I'm afraid it will stop. But it's nice to write. It is nice to see the world in that way. So, today I'm cautiously optimistic. I feel so positive, it's a little freaky.Christyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03376096488399269392noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1864461228766766051.post-59700113300730398892007-09-20T10:40:00.000-07:002007-09-29T17:36:34.271-07:00Carly Simon and cookiesIt is a typical fall day here in Oregon. It's the kind of day that makes me want to listen to Carly Simon and bake cookies, and that's just what I did. My morning was filled with soccer but the weird thing is that I actually enjoy being out on the soccer field once the sky turns gray and the wind blows a little. I even got to wear a sweater, it's the little things that make me happy. Every fall I seem to get really introspective. I think something automatically happens in my brain when the light starts to change. I love fall light. It is like having flattering dressing room light all the time. I have had a couple of weeks of heavy introspection and I think it is time to get on with it. My new and exciting classes ended up falling through so I'm going to spend the next few months trying to find my creative self. I am going to focus less on the wild search to figure out what I want to do and focus on what I already am. I have so many blessings in my life that I should be happy about. I have been married for nine years to a wonderful man who really really loves me. I have three beautiful healthy children who make me laugh every day. I don't HAVE to get a job and help support our family. I can spend a Saturday afternoon baking <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_0">craisen</span>, apple oatmeal cookies and singing "One who is touched by the sun" at the top of my lungs while my daughter dances with a pointy witch hat on. My life is good and I am a smart creative woman, today I'm going to leave it at that.Christyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03376096488399269392noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1864461228766766051.post-12456369532332268392007-09-14T15:25:00.000-07:002007-09-17T11:07:05.494-07:00FaithOK, so I haven't blogged in a while. It is so easy to get swept up in the whirlwind of life with three kids. We had a good weekend of soccer and baseball, but I think that my husband and I will be relieved when it's all over and we can have a Saturday without sports. Despite being crazy busy, I had an aha moment yesterday. I didn't feel like going to church at all and it dawned on me that this is a pattern of behavior with me. I really love church and get really involved and then have an extended period where I don't want to go at all. My aha moment came when I realized that this is a cycle that exists in many many facets of my life. I have the same problem trying to figure out what to do for a career. I have periods when I'm positive that I should just work at a grocery store and then periods where I want to study nursing because it is guaranteed job and good money, and periods where I'm sure that I need to teach. It's a little crazy and I sometimes attribute it to the fact that I'm a Gemini and a little split personality, but it really has to stop. I feel like a hamster on a wheel and I have to get off or I'm going to go crazy.<br />I think that it boils down to a lack of faith in myself and my judgements. I had a period in my early twenties where I made one bad decision after another. During that time I learned to doubt my instincts. A lot has changed since then and I know that I am perfectly capable of making good decisions, but somewhere deep down I'm still second guessing. I think the answer to my dilemma is to get in touch with who I really am and have faith in that person to choose. Martin Luther King has a great quote, "Faith is taking the first step even when you don't see the whole staircase". I have been waiting to see the whole staircase and I never will. I need to find the faith to take that first step, trusting myself to see it through.Christyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03376096488399269392noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1864461228766766051.post-66412691682625772372007-09-13T10:49:00.000-07:002007-09-13T11:07:11.844-07:00what's going onThe past 10 years have been a time of stabilization and renewal. I spent my late teens and early twenties making some REALLY bad decisions. When I met and married my husband he was a stabilizing factor. I needed somewhere to rest and regroup and he gave me everything I could have needed. I enjoyed the peace, and comfort and it gave me time to have my kids and learn to be an adult. It has been a long time since I tried to make some kind of mark on my own. I'm ready to stick my head out of this really warm comfortable hole and see what's going on.Christyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03376096488399269392noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1864461228766766051.post-74752372592331283562007-09-11T10:46:00.000-07:002007-09-11T11:04:58.182-07:00Eight years!!<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj6GFR1laM6D-LT3nPUzFB2wSgALGooaESBZHuCJzjj3PHXzUjoiE7ThCsqKKf_94p3NcRPKNgaXlizSM0zUbQzUcfPCVi7KhhpyDSvIc3p-L5Afl7ZA9ZjLtS8gkqO8aOFrH7XqsXnUOgI/s1600-h/will+then+and+now.jpg"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5109009144578364098" style="FLOAT: left; MARGIN: 0px 10px 10px 0px; CURSOR: hand" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj6GFR1laM6D-LT3nPUzFB2wSgALGooaESBZHuCJzjj3PHXzUjoiE7ThCsqKKf_94p3NcRPKNgaXlizSM0zUbQzUcfPCVi7KhhpyDSvIc3p-L5Afl7ZA9ZjLtS8gkqO8aOFrH7XqsXnUOgI/s400/will+then+and+now.jpg" border="0" /></a><br /><div><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjYIADINRit4hxPARrRj9ir5-DcT9Y1jmeebK7992fMDH8U35495PmZEBUAb0gr5_KSHXo_1cBYgm-yA8vfso7nAHmoWCC6fnYts31Qye0jQhE7Ro9k2vJrrgjxbe365racsjctk-vV00ST/s1600-h/will+then+and+now.jpg"></a><br /><br /><div>Yesterday my son Will turned eight. It seems impossible that he could be eight years old. He is a really wonderful, kind, gentle, curious, smart kid. His big birthday gift was a robotic, interactive remote control dinosaur. This dinosaur has sensors on it and if you touch it's head it tries to bite you. Will discovered this early this morning and didn't tell anyone, so one by one we all walked into the trap. Every time the toy tried to bite someone they would scream and Will would laugh hysterically. He laughed so hard he said his <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_0">diaphragm</span> hurt. Will is fascinated with the human body which is a little strange. Last year in second grade the kids had to find ten examples of things that come in pairs from around their house. At the top of Wills list were corneas and kidneys. I don't remember exactly when I found out what a cornea was but I'm pretty sure it was in high school. I get unmeasurable pleasure just watching Will be Will. I am unbelievably happy just to be his mom.</div></div>Christyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03376096488399269392noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1864461228766766051.post-69057216659149762702007-09-10T14:19:00.001-07:002007-09-10T14:28:14.938-07:00I have to leave the house by 8am every morning to get my kids to school. This morning when I started the car I heard a <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_0">familiar</span> tune coming from the radio. It was the Smiths and I instantly felt 15 again, even as I drove and talked to my 8 year old. The next song was the Cure and I rebelliously sang a long as I waited in the car pool line. It was so strange to hear these two songs that were a soundtrack to my freshman year in high school. It was nice to be reminded of that girl I was. I really miss her.<br /><br />I still haven't found a way to reconcile the woman I have become with the girl I was. I shouldn't have to give up all the things that were really awesome about her just because I am a mother, should I? <br /><br />I know that she is somewhere deep inside of me. I am determined to learn how to coax her out.Christyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03376096488399269392noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1864461228766766051.post-54491688692688437782007-09-09T13:14:00.000-07:002007-09-09T13:40:41.295-07:00My Unwanted Fourth ChildI have a love hate relationship with church. I have had periods in my life when I needed church to get me through the week. There have also been times when I didn't go at all. I spent last year working for my church and it almost killed me. I had really thought about going into some sort of ministry, but the past year put the nail in that coffin. I believe that it is important to have a spiritual center to your life and I get a sense of fulfillment through religion. So it is a little unsettling that what I really love to do on a Sunday is drink coffee, watch CBS Sunday morning (a FAR superior morning show), catch the Patriots game (they kicked the Jets butt today, go Brady!!), listen to A Prairie Home Companion, and cook a big delicious dinner. To me that is the perfect Sunday. <br />As I get older and church seems to demand more of me I am liking it less. When you are a youngish person with small children and you walk in the doors of the church, you are marked. Everyone in a position of authority sees you as the answer to their prayers, someone to fill the empty committee seat, do the vacant job, or teach the teacherless class. The focus is rarely on what the church can do for you it is increasingly on what you can do for the church. It has become my exhausting unwanted fourth child. I am starting to toy with the idea of leaving it all behind.Christyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03376096488399269392noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1864461228766766051.post-53534376688300361052007-09-08T17:03:00.000-07:002007-09-08T17:16:30.768-07:00Strong Is Your HoldHaving grit my teeth through three hours of soccer this morning I was excited to get home. I fed the kids lunch and sent one down to play on the computer, one on a bike ride and one out into the backyard with the dog. I vacuumed the dog hair off the living room floor, (yes he's shedding AGAIN!!) and went outside to check the mail. Inside my mailbox was one of my favorite sights, a book size package from Amazon.com. My absolutely wonderful sister has sent me a copy of Galway Kinnells "Strong Is Your Hold". I have had a love affair with this book for many months now. There is one copy at the Borders near my house and every time I'm able to go without kids I buy a cup of coffee and read it again.<br /><br />So, in honor of the absolutely beautiful day here in Oregon, I'm going to lay on my couch with my feet up and read poetry this afternoon. Thanks L! Love you!Christyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03376096488399269392noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1864461228766766051.post-80866118015972507962007-09-07T08:47:00.000-07:002007-09-07T09:16:03.439-07:00I AM NOT A SOCCER MOM!!Now that the kids have all safely started school it is time for the annual torture that is soccer season. I am actually happy that my kids are active, the two youngest absolutely love soccer. Every once in a while going and watching them play gives me a little pleasure, but most of the time I want to throw up.<br /><br /><br /><br />I AM NOT A SOCCER MOM!!! Some of the parents are very nice and truly good people. Then there are the soccer moms in their Cadalliac Escalades and Land Rovers. They have freshly dyed hair and professionally done nails(toes included). They come to the soccer field in three inch heels and pencil skirts and complain that the coach isn't making enough progress with their children. These women are like aliens to me. I really dislike having to be near them.<br /><br /><br />Fall is actually my favorite time of year. I love everything about it. Sweater weather, turning leaves, apples, butternut squash, pumpkins, and days when it gets dark at 5:00. Heaven to me is fall in New England. There is nothing like the first morning when the puddles are frozen over and the trees are filled with red and bright yellow leaves. Fall in Oregon is a little grayer and wetter. I live in the city which really sucks, but if I take a drive ten minutes towards the mountains I can find the magic of fall. So, tomorrow when the soccer season officially starts, I'll set my sights on that day when it's all over. The day when I drive into the mountains and feel the chill of fall, smell the wood burning in the stoves, and connect with whatever it is in me that loves being alive.Christyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03376096488399269392noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1864461228766766051.post-56566204391559715072007-09-06T09:38:00.001-07:002007-09-06T10:04:33.710-07:00Letting them goThe Summer-Camp Bus Pulls Away from the Curb<br /><br />Whatever he needs, he has or doesn't<br />have by now.<br />Whatever the world is going to do to him<br />it has started to do. With a pencil and two<br />Hardy Boys and a peanut butter sandwich and<br />grapes he is on his way, there is nothing<br />more we can do for him. Whatever is<br />stored in his heart, he can use, now.<br />Whatever he has laid up in his mind<br />he can call on. What he does not have<br />he can lack. The bus gets smaller and smaller, as one<br />folds a flag at the end of a ceremony,<br />onto itself, and onto itself, until<br />only a triangle wedge remains.<br />Whatever his exuberant soul<br />can do for him, it is doing right now.<br />Whatever his arrogance can do<br />it is doing to him. Everything<br />that's been done to him, he will now do.<br />Everything that's been placed in him will<br />come out, now, the contents of a trunk<br />unpacked and lined up on a bunk in the underpine light.<br /><br />--Sharon Olds<br /><br />This is how I feel today. There is a job that has been finished. I have prepared all three of my children for the world, and now it's time to watch them go. I can help them when they stumble, and show them the path when they lose thier way, but they have what they need. <br />I am filled with pride.Christyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03376096488399269392noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1864461228766766051.post-57670019537592959472007-09-05T08:59:00.000-07:002007-09-05T11:25:47.496-07:00So much to learnThe first day of school was a smashing success for my first grader, my seventh grader starts today(hopefully without incident), and my third grader starts tomorrow.<br /><br />My middle child is going to a new charter school this year. We decided to move him when his class size reached thirty five, with no teachers aide. There is nothing heavier than having to make a decision that could irreparably affect your child's future. I have spent many sleepless nights trying to convince myself that this is the right decision. At this point I'm almost sure.<br /><br />My classes start at the end of the month. I am taking two this semester, which is my limit because I am paying for them myself. I 'm really excited about my Women's Literature class. When I was younger, literature gave me a feeling similar to falling in love. I am hoping to find a way to rekindle that flame. Every once in a while I have a very brief glimpse of it. Am I still capable of feeling that way? Was it just a part of a particular place and time? Can I find it again in wildly different circumstances, minus the Marlboro's and beautiful boys?Christyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03376096488399269392noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1864461228766766051.post-33972190164834723242007-09-04T11:36:00.000-07:002007-09-04T14:11:37.388-07:00My first postI never thought of myself as the type to blog, but here I am. I actually got the idea from my sister. I have really enjoyed reading her blog so I figured I'd throw my hat into the ring.<br /><br />Today is actually a milestone day for me. My youngest child started first grade. That means that all three kids will be in school all day, so now the pressure's on.<br /><br />When I was young I had a very strong sense of who I was and what I wanted to do. I wanted to get a degree in literature and teach or write. There was absolutely no doubt in my mind! Somewhere between having my oldest son (at twenty) and going back to school part time, I lost that certainty. I have at different times decided to go to culinary school and nursing school. I have listed my major as anthropology, sociology, social work, and religion. The only thing that I am sure of, is that none of those are right.<br /><br />I am hoping that the process of blogging will give me a little clarity. Wish me luck!Christyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03376096488399269392noreply@blogger.com1